Understanding Self-Harm: Why Young Women Cut and How We Can Help

In today's fast-paced world where emotional pain is often dismissed or misunderstood, an alarming number of young women are turning to a shocking coping mechanism – self-harm through cutting. As this behavior becomes increasingly common across America, many of us are left wondering: Why would someone deliberately hurt themselves? What drives a young woman to take a blade to her own skin?

On a recent episode of MindShift Power Podcast, I had a raw, unfiltered conversation with Dr. Ed Dobby, known as "The Emotions Doctor," who brings over 32 years of experience working with vulnerable young women as a senior psychologist with the California Youth Authority. His insights cut through the judgment and confusion, offering desperately needed clarity for both those who self-harm and those who care about them.

The Truth Behind the Cuts

"Women who self-harm are attempting to substitute physical pain for emotional pain," Dr. Dobby explained bluntly. "It's distraction is what they're doing."

This simple truth is often misunderstood by parents, teachers, and even healthcare providers who jump to conclusions about these young women being "crazy" or suicidal. But the reality is much more nuanced.

When emotional pain becomes too overwhelming, cutting provides something immediate, intense, and attention-grabbing. The physical sensation creates a powerful distraction from the emotional turmoil raging inside. As Dr. Dobby pointed out, "When you hurt yourself, you bump an elbow or you do something else physically, the pain is immediate, it's intense, and it grabs your attention."

Think about that for a moment. The cut isn't the problem – it's the solution these young women have found. And while it's not the healthiest solution, Dr. Dobby emphasized a critical point we must all understand: "When a woman cuts on herself, she is doing the best she can in the moment in order to cope. It's not the best possible action to be taken, but it's the best action that she knows how to take."

Cutting Is Not Suicide

One of the most dangerous misconceptions about self-harm is equating it with suicide attempts. Dr. Dobby made this distinction crystal clear: "A person who is attempting suicide wants the pain to end. They don't necessarily want to die. They want the pain to end."

With cutting, young women aren't trying to end their lives – they're trying to manage their emotional pain through physical distraction. Understanding this difference is crucial for appropriate response and treatment.

"If they were serious about attempting suicide, they would probably use a different method other than self-cutting," Dr. Dobby explained. "They don't wanna die. They want the pain to end, the emotional pain, or they wanna be distracted from that, which is why they've chosen cutting."

This distinction has serious implications. As Dr. Dobby pointed out, many school systems mistakenly place self-harmers on suicide watch, which "does nothing. That's like putting a Band-Aid on your elbow when you stub your toe." It completely misses addressing the actual emotional pain driving the behavior.

What's Really Happening Behind the Cuts

So what drives a young woman to cut? Dr. Dobby identified several common emotional triggers:

• Criticism from peers
• Feelings of worthlessness
• Overwhelming stress
• Too much happening in their lives
• Even intense boredom

The cutting behavior is signaling something crucial: "The self-cutting is a sign that alarm bells are going off in her mind," Dr. Dobby emphasized. "Emotions are signals that things are going on in our life that need our attention. That's what emotions are, and that's why we have them."

A Direct Message to Those Who Cut

If you're cutting yourself right now, Dr. Dobby wants you to hear this message directly:

"You're stronger than you think you are. By listening to this podcast, what you're telling me is that you are looking for some help to deal with the issues that you're facing."

He acknowledges the temporary relief cutting provides: "When you self-harm, you substitute physical pain for emotional pain. And in the short term, that works." But as he points out, "Once the physical pain dies down, the emotional pain comes back. And now you're in a position where you've got the same emotional pain and you've got physical scars as well."

The most important thing to understand is that "you are doing the best you can in order to cope with the issues that you're facing. The challenge is that the method you're using isn't doing what you want it to do."

Dr. Dobby encourages those struggling to reach out to resources like 988lifeline.org, a 24-hour service providing support and resources. "The issues that you're facing, you can learn to deal with. There are answers, and there are resources that you can access to help you deal with those."

How We Can Help as Parents, Friends, and Educators

For those of us who have someone in our lives who self-harms, Dr. Dobby's advice is powerful in its simplicity:

"Be nonjudgmental and approach the self-cutter from a point of view of understanding."

He suggests saying something like: "I can see that you're hurting, and I don't know what's going on with you, but I really want to understand, and I really want to help. So please help me understand from your point of view the hurt that you're experiencing and what's going on with you because I really want to help."

This approach creates an opening for real communication instead of shutting down with judgment or quick fixes.

As a first responder to someone who's cutting, listen for these areas of pain:

• Are they dealing with criticism?
• Do they feel like they don't measure up?
• Are they feeling worthless or hopeless?
• Are they feeling overwhelmed?
• Is there too much going on in their life?

Dr. Dobby emphasizes: "You want to be a listener initially until you understand before you start giving advice."

MindShifting Moment

For anyone reading this, I want to plant this thought seed in your head: You may not be cutting yourself. You may be instead substituting that with sex, with drugs, with alcohol, or some other substance. I want you to take a look at yourself and ask: Am I doing some sort of self-harm, some sort of self-sabotage to pacify the pain instead of dealing with it?

What emotional pain are you running from? What physical distractions have you created to avoid facing that pain? The first step toward healing is acknowledging the real issue beneath the surface.

Remember, as Dr. Dobby emphasized: "You are stronger than you think you are. Help is available to you. You need to reach out and realize that there are answers to the issues with which you're struggling."