Breaking Family Secrets: The Healing Power of Confronting Childhood Trauma

A Conversation with Delicia Niami About Surviving Childhood Sexual Abuse

Family secrets can be deadly. Not in the literal sense (though sometimes that too), but in how they slowly kill our spirit, our relationships, and our mental health. In my recent conversation with author and abuse survivor Delicia Niami on MindShift Power Podcast, we dove deep into the devastating impact of family secrets – particularly those involving childhood sexual abuse.

Delicia shared her powerful perspective, born from her own harrowing experiences with multiple abusers throughout her childhood and young adult life. Her raw honesty about these experiences reminds us of the importance of creating spaces where survivors can speak their truth without shame.

The Hidden Damage of Silence

One quote from our conversation struck me so deeply that I had to share it on social media:

"We talk a lot in this country about drugs, crime, suicide, and mental health. How much of that would be non-existent if we empowered kids from a younger age to know that they are not at fault and do not have to harbor the guilt and shame internally?"

Delicia explained how she internalized shame and guilt for years, carrying "demons inside that came from things that happened to me externally." This internalization is precisely what makes childhood trauma so insidious – children blame themselves for the horrific actions of adults who should have protected them.

"The first time I was ever molested, he didn't even have to touch me," Delicia revealed. "He made me watch him jack off, and I was frozen. I couldn't move. I wasn't enjoying it, but I couldn't move... it traumatized me to no end."

She didn't know she was being groomed. She didn't know that a 40-year-old man befriending a young girl walking alone was predatory behavior. No one had those conversations with her.

The Warning Signs We Miss

During our conversation, Delicia shared a heartbreaking story about her nephew. Years after her brother had attempted to assault her (when she was 25), she recalled a memory that now haunts her.

Her nephew, just five years old at the time, had screamed and clung to her when her brother came to pick him up: "No! No! No! I don't want to go!" She thought the child simply wanted to spend more time with his beloved aunt.

Years later, after her brother had died, her teenage nephew revealed the devastating truth – he had been molested by his father from the age of three or four. The signs had been there, but no one recognized them for what they were.

"With everything that I knew, I should've known," Delicia said through tears. "And I still kick myself for not doing something or saying something."

This is one of the crucial warning signs for parents and caregivers: when a child shows terror – not just normal tantrums – at being with a specific person. Another sign is when a previously happy child becomes withdrawn or depressed around certain individuals.

Preparing Our Children Before It's Too Late

I took a strong stance during our conversation, and I'll repeat it here: Talk to your children about inappropriate touching and sexual abuse. Don't wait until it happens.

"A lot of victims, these conversations didn't happen till after the fact," I emphasized. "When you don't address the issue, the issue will address your kids before it's too late."

This doesn't mean graphic details for toddlers. Simple messages suffice: "Nobody touches you here" or "Don't let any adult show you their private parts" or "Don't let any adult touch you in any manner that makes you feel uncomfortable."

Parents often think their children are too young for these conversations. But predators don't think they're too young to victimize. If you don't prepare your children, abusers are waiting to introduce them to sexual concepts on their own manipulative terms.

Healing Is Possible, But It Requires Confrontation

One of the most important takeaways from my conversation with Delicia is that buried trauma never stays buried. It manifests in our relationships, our work, our physical health, and our mental well-being.

When I asked if someone should just keep their abuse secret if it happened long ago, Delicia was clear: "For me, it wouldn't be over. I would still be feeling all of the internal shame and all of the internal guilt."

Healing looks different for everyone. Delicia described using plant medicine in a therapeutic setting that helped her release rage she didn't even know she still carried. She screamed so violently that she lost her voice but emerged with less rage afterward.

"That release is important," I added, "and everybody doesn't need to release in the same way. But that release is important."

Some survivors confront their abusers directly. Others write letters they never send. Some use therapy, support groups, or even "break rooms" where they can physically destroy objects to release pent-up emotions.

What matters is acknowledging the truth and finding healthy ways to process it. As I told listeners, "If you don't deal with the issue, the issues will deal with you."

The Journey to Becoming "Resilient AF"

Despite the darkness of her experiences, Delicia's story is ultimately one of triumph. She has written a memoir trilogy called "Resilient AF," with the first book titled "Kissing Asphalt" and the second "Not My Circus."

Her openness about her journey has already touched lives. She shared how a man who had endured horrific abuse himself told her, "I never thought about therapy until I read your book."

This is why sharing these stories matters. They create pathways to healing not just for the storyteller but for countless others who recognize their own pain in someone else's words.

A MindShifting Moment

What secrets are you holding? And are they doing damage?

I promise you, if you really examine the answer to that second question, it is always yes. What kind of damage and to whom varies, but secrets about trauma are always damaging when kept buried.

Although confronting these secrets may be painful and uncomfortable, the freedom and release that comes afterward outweighs all of that discomfort. The healing begins only when we face our demons directly.