Blog Post

Fightin' Words

  • By Fatima Bey The MindShifter
  • 23 Nov, 2022

Them's Fightin' Words!

One day, while in the midst of a conversation with a coworker and friend, I made a comment that was insulting to myself. Now, I don’t even remember what I said. This friend then said “Don’t be talkin’ bout my Fatima like that! Imma have to fight you!”. I laughed but appreciated the love. A couple of months later I was talking with a different friend in a completely different and more social setting. I again said something negative and insulting about myself. No, I don’t remember what I said there either. Well, this friend became very upset, got in my face and said “What did you just say about my friend? Oh no you are NOT going to talk about one of my closest friends like that!” She literally looked like she was going to kick my ass. I laughed at first but she kept going on and would not get out of my face until I took it back.


While I appreciated the love from both of them, I also had to recognize that they had a point. All of my life I have struggled very hard with low self esteem and low self worth. Although I had come far from where I used to be, I had to recognize that there were still pieces of me that hadn’t arrived yet. I had to be honest with myself about where those negative words came from. When we are used to doing a thing most of our lives, good or bad, it is difficult to change these habits. It is true that old habits die hard, but they can die! These two friends having that same type of reaction caused me to start paying attention to how I talk about myself and make some changes.


I know that I am not alone in that. Some of you reading this right now know exactly what I’m talking about. Most of your thoughts about yourself are negative too. That’s really not fair to you. While watching how we talk about ourselves isn’t a whole solution alone, it is a piece of it. The next time that little negative voice creeps up in your thoughts, take on the same attitude as my friends. Don’t you talk about you like that!


Another big piece of this is being mindful of who you have around you. Do you keep people around you who are interested in building you up and making you better? A real friend will confront you, even when it’s uncomfortable, if it will make you better. A real friend wants to see you thrive and not dive.


Walking you through how to have confidence and build your self worth belongs in a whole book, not an article. But in this article, I’ve given you just 2 ingredients of the larger recipe for confidence and healthy self worth. First, stop saying negative things about yourself. Second, keep people around you that care about you enough to consider any bad talk about you to be “Fightin’ Words”.


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  • a thing that provides resistance, delay, or obstruction to something or someone.
Sometimes the people we think should be in our lives are the very ones hindering us from moving forward. What do I mean? How does that happen? Let me explain.

Is there anything you used to do that you no longer do and it's a good thing that you no longer do it? Is there a way you used to think and you no longer think that way? Are there places you used to go or hang out in that you don't anymore? These things happen with growth. Those who aren't growing with you might not understand.

A recovered alcoholic is a great example  of this. Let's call him Bob. Bob used to hang out at the bars with a certain group of friends. They would also hang out at the same houses. They would drink themselves silly regularly. Alcoholics don't usually just drink in groups, they usually drink alone too. One day Bob decides to be more productive with his life and wants to stop drinking. He eventually wins that battle, which is not easy. Some of Bob's old drinking buddies don't like or understand why he's not hanging out with them anymore. They accuse him of being uppity and a bad friend. If Bob were to listen to these "friends", he would feel bad about his own recovery. He would feel bad about this great accomplishment. He might even fall back into old habits by listening to them. Should he? Of course not! 

What should you do when this happens to you? Move on! You may not have been an alcoholic, but you have something or old ways in your past that you don't want to be held to. You may find that, as you grow, some of your old friends may not be your friends anymore. This is not a bad thing. Some of them will hold you back by holding you to your old self or old mentality. That's the exact opposite of what you need. Some of those people you grew up with may be the ones I'm talking about. Some may even be relatives. Generally speaking, if they can't GROW WITH you, they can't GO WITH you! If people want to keep holding you to your former self, they are stuck in your past. You should leave them there, since they refuse to move. Replace them with people that are where you are headed. Replace them with people who will help you grow. Some of these people are not ill intended, but they will hinder you none the less. You can't change the past. Surround yourself with those who understand that and are focused on your future.
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I have finally decided to take the plunge and add a blog to my site. I am constantly sharing words of wisdom on social media. Here, I will be able to expand on that wisdom in more detail and share my insight on the world. Come back frequently to see what's new.

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