Plus Size Bridal & Life Lessons with Fatima Bey on "Big Beautiful Bad Asses"

Kimberlee Pieza (00:00.000)

Hello, hello everybody and welcome to another episode of Big Beautiful Badasses. I have such a fun guest on today, but before we get to that, y'all know I am obsessed with coffee. It's one of my obsessions, not gonna lie. But if you wanna help support what I am doing, help support this broadcast, go over to buymeacoffee.com forward slash this fat girl.

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I am so excited to welcome the Mindshifter herself, Ms. Fiftema Bay. Everybody, y'all say hello. are you today? Good. Well, before we get started, why don't you tell everybody just a little bit about yourself?

Hello everyone. I'm awesome.

Fatima Bey (02:11.544)

Well, I'm Fatima Bay, the mind shifter. I am actually a dual entrepreneur. So that means I have two businesses. my first business is my Abishai. I make and design wedding gowns. I've been, I make and design wedding gowns. I specialize in heirloom wedding gowns. I do alterations on them. I've been in the bridal industry for over 20 years now. and then my second business is Fatima Bay, the mind shifter. So I'm a mind shift coach. I have a podcast myself.

I write for a magazine. I do public speaking. hold group, do individual coaching and group coaching sessions. And then I speak at high schools and do workshops as well.

Nice, very nice. You know, one, the key thing that you mentioned there, especially for plus size women, is bridal.

yeah.

So let's kind of go into that because it is hard enough to find clothing that fits right and is flattering and does what you want it to do as a plus-size woman. But then you go into the bridal industry and my god, trying to walk into a bridal store as a plus-size woman and find something that fits you is damn near impossible.

Fatima Bey (03:33.485)

Mm-hmm.

Well, you do have your traditional, there's your traditional wedding, you know, wedding store, wedding shop, bridal salon. And then there is your places like Kleinsveld and David's Bridal. Those are two different categories really. Traditionally as a plus size woman, you can look at some pretty dresses and try nothing on or put on something that only fits your thigh and try to guess what it'll look like on you.

and then put, you know, a thousand dollars down on it. And traditionally that's been the case. I will say the good thing is that David's Bridal has made a giant difference in the industry in that, and I'm not a spokesperson for David's Bridal. I did work there for 10 years, which is why I'm working in the Bridal industry now. But I was a part, I was literally a part of the change that David's Bridal started.

maybe 15 years ago at this point, 10, 15 years ago when they started having plus size, enough plus size wedding gowns in the shop that you could actually try out.

And I will give David's bridal some credit because I've actually been there. I considered David's bridal when I got married. It was my second. Yes, I'm on my third. Finally met the right guy. But marriage number two, I went to David's bridal to try on gowns. And at that time, I was a size 26, 28.

Kimberlee Pieza (05:16.526)

And going in, they had dresses that I could pull up, but they couldn't close in the back. So I wasn't able to get the true look of how it was going to fit me. And it was just, I remember leaving, just feeling so bad about myself. Horrible.

Look.

Fatima Bey (05:39.404)

Absolutely.

Kimberlee Pieza (05:44.206)

Questioned if I should even wear a wedding dress Because I thought I was just gonna look hideous in anything I tried on

And this is why I love what I do, because I get to make a difference in that. So I'm not a bridal shop. I'm the seamstress that you come to after you buy the dress. So I'm not there in the dress buying process, but many of my brides do actually come to me feeling that way because they were made to feel that way in the shop. And sometimes it's because they, there's many reasons. Sometimes it's how they were treated, but sometimes the shop owners and the workers,

weren't treating them any different, but you still send a message when you say you're not good enough for us to have enough in the store for you to try on. That just makes you feel like shit. does. And, so I was a part of, of when Davis bridle started bringing out the plus sizes and they really did pioneer that for the industry. I can, I can definitely say that because I was a part of it. I literally did the measurements.

Exactly.

Fatima Bey (06:49.898)

on people and was part of surveying women to get the cuts. Because part of the problem, and it's still a problem in other parts of the industry, just because you make something that's built for Barbie bigger doesn't make it plus size. That's just ridiculous. So the cut has to be cut for a plus size woman and not just cut for a Mrs. N expanded. You will find that a lot in clothing.

Right?

Fatima Bey (07:17.838)

and not just wedding gowns and clothing in general. And that's why you have to pay attention if it says women's or not. And most women don't know what the W stands for. So let me tell you what W stands for. It stands for women, not wide. Because sometimes people really believe that.

that honestly comes from shoes because I'm gonna admit I got fat feet and so I always had to buy wide shoes. So you you've got your 10s your 10W. So that is probably where that common misnomer comes from is we've been programmed to buy you know for fat feet we had to buy wide shoes.

That's true.

Fatima Bey (07:58.786)

But we're also programmed to see ourselves as less than attractive, traditionally speaking. So wide makes more sense. But the W stands for women. if you're listening right now, you see, this is a size 18. But if it's a size 18 without the W, it's an anorexic cut made bigger. That's what I call it. Because that's what it's cut for skinny people made bigger. And I don't know about you, but I ain't gonna like that.

Girl, You've got to pay attention to stuff like that. But I will say, though, we still have a ways to go within the industry. I had a bride in the other day. And she actually went to, and I don't recall the name of the shop. Somewhere in New Jersey is in existence an actual shop that specifically targets plus-size brides.

So you can go in and try everything on. So you might want to contact them and find out where they are. I will give you the information later because I don't recall the name. don't have it with me right now, but I do have it in the shop. And I loved, I love that concept, but I can tell you as a seamstress, well, first of all, for my business, I only handle customers one at a time. That's always been my business model and always will be. I work by appointment only.

I do not have a storefront. I'm in a professional building, but you don't see my business. And that's intentional for me. That's very intentional. I do not want the disruption of, can you have my pants while I'm in the middle of dealing with a bride? Yeah. So.

Actually, I think I found the place that you are talking about.

Fatima Bey (09:43.662)

Is it young something? Okay, that's what it is.

by Young.

The largest size-inclusive curvy bridal boutique in the world.

Yes, and I learned about it from a bride. I didn't know that they existed and I think it's a beautiful concept. Unfortunately, they're nowhere near me. Huh? I didn't even know that.

They three locations. Indianapolis, Rochelle Park, New Jersey, and Schamburg, Illinois.

Fatima Bey (10:11.83)

Okay, so was Rochelle Park, New Jersey, which is where she got hers from. But I had heard about them, but didn't really know lot about them. you know, getting one from a bride made me pay a little bit more attention. But so that's great that we have that now. We didn't have that years ago. And, know, and even now, if you go into your average bridal shop, you're not going to get...

You're not going to get more than two or three dresses that you can actually put on. There'll be a hundred you can order from, but only two or three dresses you can put on, which to me is foolish. And I'll tell you why. The average female size in America, regardless of race, socioeconomic status, part of the country again, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, all those details, regardless of all the other demographics, the average female in America is a size 16 to 18.

Say it, preach.

So, and I'm saying this not as a person who just thinks it, but as someone who works in the industry and knows what I'm talking about. The average woman is a size 16, 18. So if you're listening right now, you have a boutique or a shop, I'm sorry, but you are not that smart if you don't get those sizes in. If you have a bunch of size sixes in, you're leaving out half of society and you're leaving out a whole bunch of money. And that's just not smart.

No, it really isn't. And when it comes down to it, that 1618 is plus size. That is plus size in every standard. So if the average female is plus size, then why are there so many industries, not just clothing industries, travel,

Kimberlee Pieza (11:59.596)

restaurants, everything. Why are we shutting down plus size customers?

because they're still stuck in yesterday. The unfortunate thing is it takes a while for industries, not just individual businesses, but for an industry to change. That does not happen overnight. I will say as a plus size woman, I'm happy to see some of the changes I've seen over the past 10 years. One of my first retail management was my

background before I worked at the Bridal Shop. One of my first jobs in retail, the first time I got promoted as a manager actually, was in a plus size clothing store. And I was plus size, I've been plus size all my life. And it really made me pay attention to the industry a little bit more. And I have paid attention to it ever since. And when I was in the Bridal Shop,

with Rehab Jam.

Fatima Bey (13:05.102)

I would get, I sometimes would get some of the other bridal consultants that would have their customers work with me because they were plus size and I could say stuff to them that they're a little skinny behind is going to say. And I'm a very matter of fact, tell it like it is, keep it real transparent kind of person anyway. So that always helped me in sales. It helped me a lot in sales. Um, but I was, I was for me as a, as a, you know, as a business owner, as a seamstress and someone who works with brides in particular.

regardless of size, it's important to me to make my brides feel beautiful. I want them to walk down the aisle feeling like, damn, I look good. You know what I mean? I'm not gonna, you know, that's not gonna be victorious with every bride because everybody's not easily convinced. You know what I mean? But I do the best I can to make my brides feel like they really look good. And I don't just want them to feel like they look good. I want them to actually look good.

And sometimes they can look freaking amazing. Like we'll all look at them like, wow, she looks beautiful, but she feels fat and ugly and stupid and her stomach's too big and her hips aren't in the right place. Her breasts are too small, they're too high, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

because that's what society has told them.

That's what society has told us. And sometimes that's what family has told us. There's many different reasons. Society is a big part of it, but sometimes people have individual struggles, individual pressures and influences. And it's important to note that as well. And so when I work with my brides, I really want to make sure that they feel that way. I remember this one bride, she literally made me cry.

Fatima Bey (14:52.65)

And she still sings my praises on social media to this day. If I make a post right now, she'll comment on it. She was about a size 26 back then. This was a few years ago. And you could tell that she just kind of felt like an Oompa Loompa. Really sweet girl. She's just a lot of fun.

Thank

Fatima Bey (15:18.862)

She's a smart ass like me, so we got along great. But she, you know, I don't remember what I was saying to her, but at the end of the day, she gave me a nice review. But one of the things she said was that, you know, she really wasn't feeling that great about herself. And because of dealing with me, she, you know, she really felt more comfortable in her own skin on her wedding day. That to me means everything.

That to me means everything, because that's an important day. It's a very emotional day for all of us. And so if I can do anything to make that day amazing, then hey, I'm happy to do it. And my portion that I can do in that is mind shifting you during your fitting, because that's what I do. Don't tell anybody. It's a secret. But I actually do that, and I enjoy doing that.

Love that.

Fatima Bey (16:16.14)

If you're out there right now and you're a plus size woman, just know that you are not alone. You're not the only plus size woman. are plenty. There really are because I, I, I, this is coming from an expert who's done this for over 20 years. There really are a lot of plus size women out there who look freaking amazing on their wedding days. You do not have to look like skinny Minnie on your wedding day. There's nothing wrong with skinny Minnie. She's beautiful too. But don't compare yourself to her because you ain't her.

And don't compare yourself to her. Don't compare yourself to her when you're looking at how you look in your wedding gown. Because he or she, whoever's marrying you, they ain't marrying a model. They're you. And that's the more important thing than just what you look like. And to be honest with you, there's more guys that like us than don't anyway. I like the way I've had a couple of guys say this to me. Bones of her dogs. I like meat on my plate.

because that is so true.

We've got a little bit of freezing up. Okay, we're back. So real quick, because I want other women to be able to get ahold of you. If somebody needs help with their wedding dress, how can they reach you?

there we go.

Fatima Bey (17:38.722)

Well, for me and my business, I do need to physically have you in my presence. OK. So I don't do online over the air. I don't do online with measurements because I believe in delivering quality. I will not do that. I need to see you in person. I need to fit you in person and make sure everything is good and see it for myself, make sure it fits, if there's a problem, we can fix it right away. So I only do in-person appointments. I will say, though, I do have people that travel up to me from like,

three, four hours away. So if you're willing to drive to me, I'm in Gloversville, New York, which is in upstate New York. And my website is myavishai.m as in Mary, Y, A, B as in boy, I, essence as in Sam, H-A-I dot com. I'm assuming we'll add this to the show notes, correct?

actually going to have you spell that out again real quick because my typewriter froze.

y a b i s h a i dot com. And honestly, if you Google my name, you'll still find it too. If you Google my name, you actually will find me, very easily. So that's the name of, my website and I work by appointment only.

And I just, just give me a call. can either email me or give me a call. I, I don't allow people to make appointments, without talking to me online. I, I, I very much believe in the in-person thing, and in-person customer service, but also I like to have conversations with my brides and so, so they know what to expect and I know what I'm getting at least to a certain degree, and make sure that communication is clear.

Kimberlee Pieza (19:09.326)

your staff.

Fatima Bey (19:26.602)

So I don't do robot communications. I only do human communications. I don't plan on teaching that.

I love that.

That is down at the bottom of the screen right now. Screenshot it, write it down, type it in your phone or your computer. That way you can set an appointment and go and see Fatima and let her help you make your wedding day everything that you want it to be and more. Because you deserve to feel beautiful every day.

but especially on this because that is a day that you will remember for the entirety of your marriage and beyond. if I'm putting myself there, I'm on my third marriage, but I remember all three. Only one of them was good, but I still remember all three.

Yes.

Fatima Bey (20:17.782)

pictures

Kimberlee Pieza (20:30.688)

And that's something that'll stick with you for the rest of your.

And if I could add to that, your pictures are forever. Even if you don't come to me, please don't go to a dry cleaner who doesn't know how to do, who doesn't usually do wedding gowns. Please do not do that to yourself. I get the fixums all the time because people went to somebody who isn't, who doesn't specialize like I do. And specifically working on wedding gowns and special occasion dresses. Please don't do that to yourself. Your, your, your wedding day is important. Your pictures are forever.

and you want to look good in them.

Yes, you do. You do. I was lucky, I will say, with my current marriage. I had my dress custom-made. I found the pattern that I wanted. My husband's best friend happened to be a seamstress. Oh, OK. And she pretty much said, you pay for the material?

I will do the work as my wedding gift.

Fatima Bey (21:37.144)

that is a gift because that's a lot of work.

I didn't go for a traditional gown. I did charcoal gray. My husband wore charcoal gray, purple and black. Those were our colors. And so I had a charcoal gray, floor length strapless gown, but then it had this attached belt that worked as a wrap to put on your shoulders as well.

Okay.

Kimberlee Pieza (22:09.13)

And I absolutely loved it. I loved how I looked in it. I loved the pictures. I remember when she brought it up because she lived about a hundred miles from me. And so she was coming into town, brought it with me for me to try it on and make sure it fit everywhere. And when I tried it on, because she had taken all my measurements before it was a little loose in the top.

That's what matters.

Kimberlee Pieza (22:37.208)

but I was like, you know what, that's why I have these little straps that I can hold it up if I need to. But what I also love about it is, especially where I live now, because back in Colorado Springs, there weren't a whole lot of opportunities to wear a floor length gown.

You

Fatima Bey (22:56.706)

Mm.

But I now live in Las Vegas. I can wear a floor leg down to the Bellagio in a heartbeat.

Or to the grocery store.

I've thought about, you know, for our anniversary going to the Blasio Conservatory and having a photo session. I get to do fun stuff like that and I love that.

I like that we live in a society now that's gotten better with dealing with us as plus size women. And the fact that we're not as shunned. Like I said, we haven't arrived. There's still more work to do in that area, but we have progressed. We have progressed. We have gotten better. And I'm grateful for that. you know, we can talk about the problems all day long, but I also like to focus on the positive too, or at least point it out. The fact that we have gotten further along than we've gotten.

Fatima Bey (23:54.414)

And so I am grateful for that. And I also want to mention if you are, especially as a plus size woman, if you're looking to have your wedding gown custom made, I do specialize in that.

love that. I love that. And I totally agree. There are so many areas where there have been such vast improvements. honestly, living in Vegas, I see it more. Because when I lived in Colorado Springs, I still dealt with a hell of a lot of stigmas. Whereas living here in Vegas,

And I think it's because there's such an influx of people that come through here constantly. It's the city that really never sleeps. but I can go anywhere.

I have yet in Vegas to find a spot that is not accommodating for size.

Or that I could walk down Fremont Street. Or I'm walking down Fremont Street wearing oxygen. don't do it in a motorized car. But even that, I'm not the only one. There are so many places where you have to use a mobility device or whatever. know, fat or skinny, it doesn't matter your size. You're having to use a mobility device.

Kimberlee Pieza (25:31.832)

But especially as a plus size person, when you have to do that, there is shame that goes with that. But I love here in Vegas, we out there having races. I have to be four, where we've got like four plus size people on those little scooters, we're all like waving at each other, you know? It becomes a community and I'm here for it. I am so here for it.

Well, I'm glad that that's like that out there. I had no idea because I haven't been to Vegas yet.

Well, girl, if you come, I will show you Vegas. Or in the streets, because there's a whole other city aside from the streets.

I believe you. I've heard that.

There is so much out here, but that's another conversation. I do want to thank you though for coming on and having this conversation, especially about wedding gowns and plus size women. I think it is so incredibly important for women to know that there is options for them when it comes to

Kimberlee Pieza (26:50.19)

purchasing a wedding gown, having a wedding gown altered or customized. And I think it's important for women to know that regardless of their size, it doesn't matter if you are a size two, a size 22, a size 32, you deserve to feel beautiful on your wedding day.

Everyone deserves that. And if someone tells you that you don't, they're lying and they need to go because they're not serving you.

That's just my personal take on it. Not everybody will agree with that take, but it's my take.

Absolutely. I agree. Everyone deserves to feel beautiful on their wedding day. you know, there are people around who will tell you that you don't deserve that. They're not going to say it in those words. They may say it through action. And you might want to reconsider how much you need to have them around you. saying.

Well, I do have one final question for you love before we close this for the day And it has absolutely nothing to do with our conversation. Okay

Fatima Bey (28:13.506)

Okay, I didn't do it. It was somebody else who looked like me. What is it?

You can pick any animal as your spirit animal, as the animal you most identify with. What animal is it and why?

Lioness, that's easy. I'm a Leo, I'm a lion, but the character of a lioness is she's the most fierce mother in the whole animal kingdom, and that's me. I am very kind and very sweet, very caring, very loving. I will hug you and cry with you. I will give you the shirt off my back, but I will, if you touch one of my kids, I will rip your neck off. So one of my kids, teenagers, young women and children, those are my kids.

and the people around me that I love. I'm very, very protective of them, which is why I'm an anti-human trafficking advocate. didn't plan on talking about that part, but I'm really big into anti-human trafficking. And everything I do, I try to do what I can from where I am in an effort to combat it or help the victims. So, you know, I'm also a business with a cause since we brought it up.

Both of my businesses and any business I have in the future will be a business with a cause so right now I donate to an organization that helps orphans and human trafficking victims around the world and And that's that's a big part of me. So when you asked me immediately, I'm like, lioness because I got some teeth They don't come out unless necessary, but if it's necessary, I'm a fighter

Kimberlee Pieza (29:55.456)

Yeah, that's kind of how I am. That would apply to certain areas in my life. You hurt my child, my grandbaby.

Yeah.

Fatima Bey (30:06.39)

You're just going to go miss it, that's all.

I love my daughter, Garely. You are my grandbaby. Nana will lose it. Nana loves that little man. On her chest. That's whose footprints I have is my little grandbaby. Love that.

Yeah.

And that's good.

Kimberlee Pieza (30:33.23)

Well, Petey, I want to thank you so much for being a part of the show today. It has been such an honor having you on and I want to thank you for what you do because what you do is so important. You are helping to change the way the bridal industry is and make it more welcoming and better for plus size women.

And that's so important. And I'm just so grateful for what you do. And I wish that I had had that when I was a bride earlier on in my life, luckily for my last wedding, the most important wedding I have. I did have that on a personal level and it made a huge difference. So I know that what you are doing is...

Yeah.

Kimberlee Pieza (31:29.646)

helping to change other women's lives. Thank you. And I think that's amazing. So thank you for what you do.

Thank you. Well, no problem. You're welcome.

You guys, that is it for this episode. Thank you so much for being a part of my world and letting me share my world, my thoughts, my perspectives, and the perspectives of the amazing people that I connect with into your home. Again, if you do want to support what I'm doing, if you want to keep this going, go over to

BuyMeACoffee.com forward slash this fat girl life. And I'll see you all next time.

Kimberlee Pieza (32:23.31)

it's not working.