Fatima Bey (00:00.00)

Fatima Bey The MindShifter

Claudia Noriega-Bernstein (00:12.398)

Hi everyone, I am so, so excited to have today Fatima Bey. I want to welcome you my friend and I would like you to share with my audience a little bit about you. But I wanna also say that sometimes I have guests who had a pivotal moment and they share their story and it's empowering for my audience. And sometimes I have experts that give tools and guidance. But today people, we got him.

Two in one, double excited to have you here and to share this space with you because I know it's gonna be such a juicy episode, so welcome.

Well, thank you. First of all, Claudia, thank you so much for having me out. So I'm Fatima Bey The Mindshifter. I reside in upstate New York. I'm an international Mindshift coach. So what that means is I am a coach that focuses to help you shift your thinking. Now this could be in business or personal, but the truth is they're connected and I treat them as such. So I do this through several mediums. I do individual coaching. I do group coaching. One of my favorite things actually is to do seminars and workshops. I

really just love doing them. get energized by them. I also have a podcast myself for which Claudia has been a guest on my podcast as well, really powerful episode. And I have an audio blog, which is my written blog, but with an audio experience. Just, you got to listen to hear it, to hear it. And then I have Fatima Bay, the Mindshifter Guesting podcast, which this show will be on. So every time I guest, I'm a guest on another show.

I turned into a podcast so that they're just all in one place. Cause sometimes people want to hear what it sounds like. And then I do mind shift Mondays. I do a live every Monday on LinkedIn and YouTube. And I talk about different things. I just finished a leadership series a little bit ago and now I'm on a series called you already know this and it's talking to them. take all the, not all of them. I just take some of the cliches that are. Oversaid and overused and incorrectly used. I break them down.

Fatima Bey (02:11.946)

But I'm all about shifting thinking. do have a focus, a heavy focus on teens. So my podcast is about teens. I do coaching for teens. They are my favorite people. I am not going to lie. Some of y'all adults are boring. I like teenagers.

I love you. But that is true because I mean, that's why you and I work together so well because I work with the moms and you work with the teens. yes. They can better their relationship and that is so, so important nowadays.

It really is. And so I mind shift and you go to my homepage, you'll see that I mind shift in many different ways. And I only named a few, but they're all on my website.

Thank you for saying all that because I think it's important that my audience listen to everything that you do, get to know you a little bit, and then learn from you and understand that you're not saying something because you have an opinion, but because you have walked the walk and you have had the experience to coach and to teach and to give the tools that many of us need to find that purpose.

Right. And one of the things that you do, and that's why you are a mind shifter coach is help people shift their mind. What would you say is the most biggest obstacle in your clients? When you get somebody, what is that limiting belief that is holding them back from shift?

Fatima Bey (03:33.226)

I would say if I have to pick one, that's the biggest thing is usually confidence. Confidence is something that we are taught or taught out of. It depends on our environment. It depends on how you're raised, what was said to you over and over again, what was spoken over your life by your parents, by peers, by whoever's around you the most. But confidence or the lack thereof is where a lot comes from. But I would say the biggest thing for most people is to unlearn. It's not just what you do learn is to unlearn.

And one of the ways I help people to unlearn is by teaching them a new thing to learn that overrides what they've learned. Helping people to build confidence is something I'm very strong in. It's the number one, I would say the number one thing that I help people with my mind shift coaching. And this especially works with teenagers. And even though I tend to focus on girls, but I seem to keep getting teenage boys, especially boys that play sports. They love me.

I love them too though. for some reason understand them. They know they could say whatever they want to me. I'm not going to flip out and act like a parent and try to correct them and go, you can't say that. We got to be politically correct. Now that's crap. Let them say what they want and then let's deal with the issues one at a time without having this overly parent reaction. They know they're going to get that from me and I'm really raw and real with them. That's one of the ways that I'm able to coach people is one of the reasons people come to me. don't sugar coat crap and tell you it's chocolate.

I'm gonna tell you this is crap and this is how we need to scoop it out of here because it stinks. We're gonna deal with it.

I love that. But it's so true. And I think that what you're talking about is really the condition that we inherit. Like when we are kids, we take whatever our parents, our teachers, our friends even tell us that we're good at and we run with that and we don't get curious. When I work with moms, I help them unbecome, which is what you're talking about. Creating new beliefs.

Claudia Noriega-Bernstein (05:29.428)

and get rid of the beliefs that they had about themselves and stop having those bumpers. Like when you go and play bowling, these are the bumpers that you're going to have so you don't get out of the line. Sometimes you have to color out of the lines to find out what is the shape that you really want to create. And I'm very analogical. I imagine things and then I speak. So I think it's so important and it's great that you work with teenagers because

That is kind of like the bridge between being a child and being an adult. And in that bridge is when the conditioning really comes up. I'm supposed to be this, I'm supposed to be that. I mean, how many young girls decide that they are gonna take a path that is not ideal for them just because somebody with more confidence came to them and say, you will be good at this. And they...

Just go with it because nobody told them that they will be good at something else or they don't believe that they could be good at something else.

Absolutely. Let me ask you this, What's something that you believe right now? Just name anything.

I believe I can empower women.

Fatima Bey (06:37.28)

Okay, stop believing that. Did it work?

No.

But see, this is what we do to people all the time.

Look for evidence though, because that's part of the belief and this is the crazy thing about the human mind. Like if we want to look for evidence, we're going to find it. But the same way we can do it for yes, we can do it for no.

Yes. My point in saying that is the mind shifting aspect. Just because I tell you to stop believing something doesn't mean that you're going to stop believing it. But when we take that silly idea and we try to implement it in life, especially with teens, well, don't believe, well, that doesn't work because did it work on you just now? It's not going to work on you, but it would work on you if I conditioned you to believe it. If I constantly told you that you're nothing but a woman that should be silent.

Fatima Bey (07:25.858)

You should sit back and be quiet and let everyone else take control. If I tell you that enough times, you're going to begin to believe it. And here's the thing. All of us are conditioned. don't care who you are, what country you're in, what color you are, how old you are, your economic status. All of us are conditioned by our cultures. Whether you're from China, whether you're from Peru or the U S or Nigeria, you're conditioned by your culture. And especially when I'm dealing with Americans constantly have to.

teach them to unlearn some of the crap we've been taught. It's not just, it's not unique to the US though. All cultures have crap that they teach. I don't care who you're talking about. And you know, every culture has good and bad. That's just a fact. But that conditioning that you're speaking of, it goes very deep. Most of us, here's a prime example. I'm gonna fry up some pig ear. Are you gonna eat it? If you did eat meat, would you eat the pig ear?

No, I don't eat meat.

Maybe because I'm a curious person.

I'm just using an example. Most Americans would not eat that pig ear. There's some who would try it. But most Americans would not eat that pig ear because we're conditioned to only eat certain select parts of meat. For example, cow tongue. All over the world, people eat cow tongue and it's a normal meat. Like tacos de lengua. One of my favorite kind of tacos.

Claudia Noriega-Bernstein (08:31.425)

Right.

Claudia Noriega-Bernstein (08:40.3)

got in Peru too and they sell it in the street as well. remember the first time I gave it to my children, didn't tell them what they were eating and then they ate it and then they said this is pretty good and I go is the tongue of the cow and they look at me they almost went and puked and I said how crazy it is that your brain overwrite your feeling and your experience because now you have data.

Well, yes, data that you've been conditioned with through repetition. And here's the thing, we are conditioned to eat certain selected parts of meat. So the average American, there are plenty of Americans that will eat the baton, but I love tacos de lengua. The meat is juicy. It's tender. It's delicious. It's my favorite. But the first time I had it was at a Mexican restaurant. I never had it before because I'm American. We're conditioned to not eat that. We're conditioned to eat ribs and certain things. But my point in bringing that up is that we don't eat

certain parts of animals, not because they're not nutritious and not because they're not worth anything, but we've been conditioned to believe that they're not worth anything. so I wouldn't say we waste the food, we do other things with it, but we don't get everything that we can out of it. You go to most other countries, man, they leave in no part of the animal undone. All of it goes into the soup, the stew, it gets fried, whatever. But my point is that what you bring up about conditioning,

It's critical. And I think most people don't realize how deep that goes. Now here, let's talk about purpose with conditioning because I don't think people realize how intricately connected they are. So your purpose is to run around healing people. I'm just making this up right now. Let's back it up a little bit because this is my view on purpose and the angle from which I teach. So when God created you, he didn't just create you and go, what is I going to do with this thing here? He had a purpose. And then he's like,

Let me create Sally, Claudia, Fatima, whoever. Let me create this person. He is smarter than that. He's smarter than us. So he didn't just make it and go, what am I going to do with this thing I made? He had a purpose and he made you for it.

Claudia Noriega-Bernstein (10:41.762)

He gave you the bag of gifts that came with

That's what I was going to say next. Our gifts are the equipment that we need to carry out that purpose. If I want you to sweep the floor, I need to give you a broom. I'm not just going to say you have a tongue, it up. No, have to give you a broom and a dustpan or maybe you can write a dustpan, but I have to at least give you a broom so you sweep the floor. So all of us have gifts towards whatever that purpose is. Right. So we have, I'm going to make up an example of Sally. Sally was born to sing. Her voice will carry, it's not just about the note she carry, but the spirit behind it. Her voice is meant to heal.

Her voice is meant to evoke is so strong of a spiritual connection and emotion that it causes people to do things in a moment that will help them. That is Sally's purpose. But Sally, when she was little, they kept telling her to shut up. You're making too much noise. She's conditioned to shut the hell up. Sally never reaches the maximum of her gift. She never uses that gift, but she really just wants to sing. And when she sings, she feels like her soul's on fire.

When she starts to sing, she feels like nothing else can explain that feeling. She feels like she's where she's supposed to be, like better than an angel. She just feels amazing because that's her purpose. She's supposed to feel that way, but she's a fish out of water because she's been told, no, you're supposed to be a maid. Go sweep a floor and clean a room. She's unhappy. She's a fish out of water. She's been conditioned to think that her value is nothing but her vagina and whatever else her hands can do. And this happens to a lot of women around the world.

A lot a lot a lot a of

Fatima Bey (12:12.844)

Different cultures used to be in the US as well. This happens to a lot of women around the world. They're conditioned to believe that their worth is what I tell you it is because that worth is more valuable to me. You singing doesn't help me because you're not making me babies and making me dinner or whatever else. So this is what happens with us. We have these gifts and those gifts will tell you what your purpose is because they're those things that you can't, I can't explain how this makes me feel. I can't explain how

Let me tell you what happened to me once. I'm a bridal seamstress for those of you that don't know, I make and design wedding gowns. I've been doing it for long

everything. She's being modest right now. If you go into her website you'll see that this woman is seven women in one. Yeah.

Don't tell them about all my personalities. Now listen.

No, those ones we keep them quiet, so I do with mine.

Fatima Bey (13:00.012)

You only know about seven. really have 15. Now, but so there was this one time, this was a few years ago. I was at a bridal show and I was debuting a black wedding gown. And no, it wasn't a goth wedding gown. It was a beautiful, gorgeous wedding gown you'd want to get married in. It just happened to be black. I designed it that way on purpose. So I was debuting myself as a designer at a big, one of the area's biggest bridal shows.

I was tired because I kept changing my design ideas. You know how that goes. And working on at the last minute because I kept changing my mind because you know, it was important. So I had literally stayed up all night with no sleep. I was drinking Red Bull and don't ask me. Yeah. Thank God I had a friend there who was helping me volunteering to work the table for me so that he could be my brain. He was awesome. So I was there debuting. I was so tired, but I was determined. So I'm going to get through it. And I do have a personality, but

When I got on that stage, was talking about my gown, I was dead tired, hoping that I would last through it without fumbling. I was a little nervous. I was surprised I was nervous because I'm not a person that gets on stage and gets nervous, typically. But I was, because it wasn't just about me in stage, it's about my craft. As soon as I started talking, all of a sudden, I got this caffeine energy. I wasn't anything else. All of a sudden, I woke up and just this personality came out of me.

The same thing happened when I MC'd for the first time. It was a dating auction for a charity. It was an animal, local animal shelter. And a friend, was my friend's thing, not really mine, but he asked me to do it. And I said, sure. Now I had never MC'd before in my life, but I'll do it because I'm sure I can. So I did it. I did it. Same thing that day. As soon as the mic went on my hand, as soon as the mic got in my hand and I went on stage, this person took over. I recognized the day that I did the MC thing that

that's built into me. It's natural to me and I loved it. And I was funny and energetic, cracking jokes, because it's a dating auction, you gotta crack jokes, right? One guy acting like he's gonna strip and take his shirt off. He was just playing around, but still I played it off and introducing people in funny ways. And it was just natural to me. And I didn't know I had that gifting in me. I didn't know that I had that desire in me. I'm telling you, it felt more natural than almost anything else I've ever done.

Claudia Noriega-Bernstein (15:16.906)

I Fatima, one of the things that you're talking about and I can relate so much with it is when we get curious, when we stop receiving the opinion of everybody else and we really go within between God and you, what's my purpose? What makes me happy? What lights me up? We start seeing our talents without conditioning, without being embarrassed, without

Justifying without trying to please anyone, but really what makes me happy. What feels my soul. And that's what I was telling you earlier in my book, brighter days, one of my lessons. we have talked about this before. When you know your value, you stop giving discounts. And that is something that I have in my book because that was an aha moment for me. I live my life pleasing.

And I love that quote.

Claudia Noriega-Bernstein (16:12.906)

I was a people pleaser. I pleased my mom. I pleased my friends. I pleased my producers. I pleased my whatever was around me and telling me you're good at this. You should do this. And then I would do this and you are good at that and you should do that. So then I get to a point in my life that I had 10 careers because I was good at everything. And if I was not excellent at it, I was good. So I would run with whatever people would tell me I was good at, but I was never feeling like I had a

purpose, like I was fulfilled, that I felt like, my gosh, this is my high. I wake up in the morning and I can't wait to do this. Because none of those things that I was taught I was good at was my calling, was my purpose. And when I learned it, when I accepted, embraced it, and ran with it, when I really believed my value, I stopped giving discounts. I stopped agreeing with anybody else because I knew my

Absolutely. I always put it like this. One of the reasons why women are so easily abused around the world is because of that conditioning. If you don't know your value, you will take anyone that's assigned to you. So there are many different ways in which that takes place, but it's absolutely true. If you don't know your purpose, you'll pick anything you'll try. And I think one of the worst things about this, when you don't know your purpose, then you try to be like someone else.

That's one of the worst things you can do to yourself because here's the breakdown of why I'm going to dive deep into why that happens. When you are trying to be like someone else and you're not being yourself because you don't know who you are yet. You don't know what your talents and purposes, where your talents and gifts are or your purpose. What happens is it will never work because you're an elephant trying to fly like a bird and you don't have wings. It's ridiculous. You're trying to be someone you're not. That always leads to misery. 100 % of time it leads to misery. Yes, it leads to disappointment.

But here's the deeper dive part. When it leads to disappointment, what ends up happening is you turn that disappointment on to yourself. Now, see, I'm stupid. I'm really not worth anything.

Claudia Noriega-Bernstein (18:12.972)

was telling you before. We can look for the positive evidence and build ourselves up or we can go to the negative evidence and make that person right. Yes. And us wrong.

Well, here's the other thing I want to mention, and this is kind of a sidebar, but I think important to mention. This is why ladies who are listening and men too, this is why it's so important that we actually go out of our way to give legitimate compliments wherever we see we can. Here's why. Sometimes none of us actually see ourselves truly objectively. We don't see sometimes the good things about us. We don't notice how quick witted we are. We don't notice how analytical we are to the point that we can fix things because we

can see every article, every single element of whatever. We don't see that we're quick with conversation. We don't see that we're so giving and caring immediately without thinking. We don't see all these different character traits that we have because they're so innate, we're so used to them that we don't see them. It's kind of like if you're wearing perfume, everybody else might compliment you.

the garbage it doesn't stink anymore. Exactly. used to it too, right? You're like, okay, no, it doesn't stink.

Yes, it does. But this is, this is why it's so important that we have to build each other up. I just mean as humans. Sometimes we'll go out of my way and I don't really care who thinks it's weird. I will go out of my way sometimes like, really like your outfit. That was so nice that you let that person go in front of you. Little things, whatever it is, you have absolutely no idea what people are going through, what's going through their head because you don't know what stupid little demon is lying to them in their head and tell them ain't worth crap. And then you come along and say something positive that combats that or rebuts that.

Fatima Bey (19:29.965)

So I

Fatima Bey (19:53.03)

People need that and this is why it's important I think that we should make it a point to not only let negative things come out of our mouth but sometimes go out of our way to say positive things to people especially strangers

Let me say this, because I want to talk to the moms that are listening to us. I actually made it a point to teach that to my girls when they were little. My kids are right now 28, 29 and 32. You will never be in the presence of my kids. And I got to brag about this because I love it. it's like when I hear them, I feel like the mom in the Gilmore girls, like I got to go get and because

hehe

There is nothing more fulfilling than seeing that your kids actually listen to you and are doing something that are going to make them better humans. And when I am in a place and my girls come in and they see somebody and go, my God, I love your hair. I love that purse. you smell so good or whatever. They always have something nice to say about the other person and they do it in the room in a random place. They do it in the grocery store. They do it in a party, whatever. And it's not funny. They are wired to

be that way. So how important it is to teach our kids since they are little to model that behavior because you don't go to your kid and say, Hey, when you see somebody, you make sure that you say something nice because the barber ladder, the skin before he passes the knife. If you're going to say something, you don't go through that training. You just become that billboard for them.

Claudia Noriega-Bernstein (21:29.59)

you start acting that way, behaving that way, the child is looking at you and he's going to emulate that behavior. So without you having to say anything, they're going to be that kind of human. That person is going to go to a place, is going to see somebody and it's not going to see the flaws or defect or what is missing in that person, but it's going to see the positive, the talent, the gift that that person has, and they're going to bring it up. I wanted to...

to say this because the moms that are listening, always have that opportunity to show up that way and inspire and motivate your kids to follow that behavior.

I want to give an analogy for what you just said because I do think people need to think about it this way. Teach your kids to sow seeds. We are all sowing seeds, whether we like it or not, whether you believe it or not, doesn't matter, it's happening. We're all running around, we're sowing seeds all over the ground everywhere we go. Do you want your kids to sow crap seeds or beautiful flowers? Bite. Or oranges, or orange trees, whatever. What comes out of your mouth? I'm asking the audience right now. I want you to think about that. Everything that comes out of your mouth is sowing a seed and I do mean everything.

What are you planting? And I'll just leave that right there.

True, true. They're watching us all the time. Sometimes I have clients that come and complain about how the kids act. I just, I'm quiet. I let them talk and complain about all the things that the kids are not doing right. And then I asked them, and how would you handle that situation? And they stop and think, I probably would have done the same thing. Do you talk bad about your friend?

Claudia Noriega-Bernstein (23:09.1)

or your neighbor or somebody on TV. Do you make fun? We are all guilty of that. At some point, we all have gossip, but catching yourself. And now that my kids are adults, they will call me on my crap. Like if I go like, my God, my kids will go, mom, don't be a hater. And aside of me, feels like crap. But the other side of me go like, wow, I raised a good kid.

because she can notice those things. She can recognize that this is really low energy here. This is not the vibration we want to have. This is not the frequency we want to live in. So good that she noticed, bad that I said it. But yes, we are all guilty of that. The thing is to catch yourself before you open your mouth and say it.

Yes. And I want to plant another thought seed for your audience. I said earlier that all of us are conditioned and it doesn't matter where you are, how old you are, what country you're in, et cetera. We're all conditioned. My question to the audience is what part of that conditioning are you participating in? Are you participating in someone else's growth or their tear down? And your mouth is only one avenue of which to do that. Do you reward people when they do good or you just see it and go, that's nice and move on and not say a word?

not do any actions to reward. Sometimes that can be far more powerful than a lecture. A lecture is one of the least powerful ways of influence and change. And like you were just saying, Claudia, doing, that's what changes people. Seeing you do is what changes people. And when it comes to conditioning, do we participate in the narrative of telling our teenagers that they absolutely have to go to college or they are an absolute loser?

Are we conditioning them to think that their value isn't a piece of paper, an education system that only works with one brain type and leaves at least 60 to 70 % of the population outside of those brains? Are we telling them that if they don't follow, if they don't fit into a particular box, that they are automatically worthless? Are we telling our kids that are we participating in that narrative? You may not say those words directly, but do you say it through repeated action? I want people to think about what is your repeated action?

Fatima Bey (25:23.042)

conditioning people around you to see themselves or to think. Let's take it a step further. Are you women? Are you conditioning? Well, you are conditioning everyone around you of how to treat you.

We teach people how we want to be treated and it starts within us. If I'm going to treat myself with respect, with kindness, the way I speak to me, that's what I'm going to allow other people to do. But if I am mean to myself, if I say nasty things to me, if I think low of myself, if I don't respect myself, if I don't love myself, how can I expect the world to be different?

Let me tell you something you just reminded me of something I think it's very relevant So I mentioned earlier that I have an audio blog and I think like the number three or four blog It's early. It's one of my first blogs. It's called fighting words. What prompted this was when you talk about self-talk That's what reminded me of it. I was very guilty of that cloudy I was so guilty of that I would insult myself better than nobody you couldn't put me down because I already did it and I didn't realize how just

In grain that was in myself and this was just a few years ago and I thought I thought that it was out of me Well, it wasn't and I had a couple friends that pointed it out to me and here's what happened This is what the blog is about. I was talking to him something negative about myself and a co-worker Basically, it was like what you better not talk about my Fatima like that. We don't fight She said something like that and we laughed but then

I had to reflect and say she was right. I shouldn't have automatically made that negative comment about myself. She did not like me talking about myself like that. And then I had another friend and this happened. The only reason I noticed it is because it happened like two months apart, very close together.

Claudia Noriega-Bernstein (27:08.866)

that was a message that you as God were trying to to highlight.

Absolutely, it happened. But here's the thing. It happened again. I was at a friend's event and I don't know what negative thing I said about myself. This little skinny white girl got up in my face like she was going to beat my ass. She said, what did you say about my friend? She was talking about me third person. She's like, what did you say about my friend rolling her head and everything? And I'm just like, I was just laughing. And she looked at me like, I will beat you right now if you don't take that back. That's not what she said, but she's like, you better take that back.

And she put the way she said it was like, she was really going to beat me up. And I did take it back. But in that moment, I appreciated it because in that moment I recognized, my God, I really need to fix this. This is the second time in the past couple of months that someone who cares about me has said something. So I need to fix this. I no longer say those negative things. I might say something sarcastic out of humor because I am sarcastic, but it's not the, it's not the same self.

destructive. I leave it to the foreigner to give you the right

Is very much like that.

Fatima Bey (28:16.078)

And I should see the English in second language. do know the language right now, but when it made me realize that this ties back into conditioning, we all should have people when I talk about participation and someone else's conditioning, right now they could have participated in my negative conditioning by saying absolutely nothing and going about their day. What they did, what these two friends did was they participated in my reconditioning.

by stopping those negative comments, by not letting them slide and treating them as fighting words. Treating them as you are not going to talk about my fatima like that because we don't have a problem. And I appreciated that. And so I brought that up to say to your audience, how do you participate in the conditioning of others around you? I just want you guys to think about that. It's for you to answer because I don't know all of you.

It back to the parenting. It's how we talk to our kids. You are so messy. You are stupid. You are not that smart. You are so confrontational. Whatever is coming after you are. You want to correct the behavior, then correct the behavior, but don't label the kid. Don't immediately pass down that conditioning that you are this because we carry on.

And then our parents were saying that to us or a teacher or a coach or whoever it is, said something like that. And now we're saying it in first person. I am that.

We believe it after a while because we're human that's what humans do we learn through repetition And so when you have a society that constantly tells you you're fat, so you're worthless you believe it You have a kind of society that constantly tells you you speak English with an accent So you must be stupid you begin to believe it unless you have somebody else around you to recondition you into the proper truth And I want people to think about that

Fatima Bey (30:15.576)

How are you participating in the conditioning of the people around you? Because most people don't think about that. But I promise you, every single listener, you are participating in someone else's conditioning right now. Whether you realize it or not, I want you to think about how that might be. Could be good, could be bad. Hopefully good, more good than bad. But do you see someone who constantly is negative about themselves and you just let them go and not say nothing?

It stops with you!

Yeah. It stops with you, but that's a decision and a commitment you have to make not only with yourself, but with the world around you. I'm no longer available for that. And I am no longer going to endorse that behavior. It stops with me. The next time that I see somebody in talking bad about themselves, I'm going to interrupt them. And I am going to make an effort not to say something negative about somebody. So that person doesn't get that belief reinforced.

because I'm sure somebody else said it before. So me saying it is just reinforcing that belief.

What you just said I'm gonna rephrase it with an analogy thought seeds So I if you go to my social media, you'll see I have daily thought seeds on every platform So I post a thought Every single day and sometime with some of them actually about parenting like about the fact that there's no such thing as a perfect parent Because a lot of parents beat themselves up and they shouldn't there's things where I'm just like you don't know what someone else's struggle is is there they're all my own quotes like I don't regurgitate other people's quotes and if I

Fatima Bey (31:42.144)

I give credit to it and it'll say so, but everything else you see for me literally comes from me. And I have hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of them. So I, I, I plant the daily thought seeds, but I want parents and just general people, but especially so we're talking about parents. want you to think about this. Every time you talk to your child, you are planting thought seeds or you were watering the ones you planted when they were five. What are you planting? How are you surprised that Sally grows up and becomes the biggest hoe on the block?

when you told her she wasn't worth anything and because she was talking to a boy, she was being a slut. That's a real stupid thing that some people do. It's a real stupid thing that happens. I use that as an example, but you were, every time you talk to your kids, you're planting thought seeds. I want you to think about that as a parent. What are you planting? And then what actions are you doing that are watering that? Are you telling them that they aren't worth anything, but you say it in different words?

And then you reinforce that by not acknowledging the good and only acknowledging the bad. That is watering that native crap seed that you planted. We need to think about how we react and how what we say, and especially what comes out of our mouths. Words matter. They absolutely matter. And words can punch somebody in the face.

Words can bruise you. I heard that when I was a teenager. I read it somewhere, it says words can bruise you. And I feel so validated because I was told a lot of ugly things when I was a kid and they were hurting me more than emotionally.

I don't know if I can explain this, but it was like I would feel the weight of those words. And those words were beliefs at some point and I carry them and it was so hard. I always say that I'm for my daughters, the mom that I didn't have and I'm not trying to talk bad about my mother. She did whatever she did the best she could, but I wanted to be better and I wanted to be what I needed as a child.

Claudia Noriega-Bernstein (33:46.606)

So I made, it's funny you said about the quotes because I wake up my kids every day with a quote. Like I send them a picture with a quote and I go, know a girls have a, you're going to laugh at this, this is in parenthesis, but when I came to this country, I didn't really speak English. Well, when I had my daughters, I thought that when you say, I love you too, means two people. So when I, three people, you're supposed to say, I love you three. So I tell my girls all the time, I love you three.

because I have three daughters, right? I write to them and now I know better, but I still say, love you three. me and they text back, I love you three because we are four of us, right? My three girls and I, but I wake them up every day with a quote because I want to set the tone for the day. And I always made a point to tell them that I love them and that I'm proud of them and you are so talented.

and you are so beautiful and my gosh, I knew you were gonna get this job because you are so good at it and rejection is gut, redirection and gut protection and it's okay and it's always a positive thing because that's what I needed when I was a kid and this is what I needed when I was a young adult and I know that a lot of those conversations in my head is what hold me back to wanting more.

So now when I work with a woman, when I work with a client and she's so low in herself and she doesn't see the light at the end of the tunnel and she's just want to have a quick fix because she's tired. But in the same token, she knows that those dreams that she wants have are never going to be possible. And I just want peace at this point. I don't care about the law for the happiness. I just want peace. I'm like, no, we're going to rewire this.

because you are meant for more. And I want to know what that kid wanted. If you could go back to your six year old, how would you tell that six year old, I have a picture of my six year old in my studio and it's right there. And I see that little big chick kid and I know she was engaged and I know she had dreams and I know she wanted more.

Claudia Noriega-Bernstein (36:00.288)

And I know that she knew she was deserving of more and all that conditioning and all that bad mouth and all those labels hold me back and created that cage that wasn't allowing me to shine and to share my gifts. And it wasn't until I broke from that cage and started getting curious and finding out who I was and changing the narrative in my head that I started to claim my light back.

claim my shine, claim my talent, claim what was available for me. And it breaks my heart when I see sometimes even friends of my daughters not wanting more because they were already conditioning to not want more. So it is so important to build that since they're little and give them those other labels. You're smart, you're capable, you're talented, you're amazing. I'm proud of you.

Every day feel that trunk of positivity. So then when they go to an audition or an interview for a job, you don't walk in that place like you want a job. You go in that place like if you freaking own the joint, that's you want to walk in that place. And you already got that job and you already see yourself there and you already manifested in claiming everything that is available for you.

And we feel the difference when you do. It's not about the words you use. It's about the weight you carry. It's true. What you were just saying, Gladly, about how we walk into a room. It goes back to what I was saying earlier. We tell people, we condition people how to treat us. Conditioning happens through repetition. Conditioning is not something you do once. It is something that happens through repetition. What are you another way of saying this is what are you reinforcing? Are you reinforcing? Child doesn't feel good about themselves.

Are you reinforcing that by doing things that help them to further affirm their worthlessness? Are you doing things to combat that? It could be as simple as that girl next door is ready for any guy that wants to abuse and use her body because she doesn't know her value. Why not say some positive things to her? You may not, your one comment, it might not change the whole life, but every little bit counts.

Claudia Noriega-Bernstein (38:17.55)

That's your part. That's your part. Do your part. Don't worry about what other people are doing or not doing. You have that possibility and that opportunity to plant that seed.

That probably was the first time that somebody's gonna tell her, you're so talented, you're so beautiful. I see you doing this, this and that in a positive way. Maybe it's the first time, like that in a negative way, what happened to you. The first time that somebody said, you don't talk about my friend Fatima like that. And then the second time you were like, wait a minute, now I can hear it. Maybe you will be the first time that you give a compliment to somebody. But when somebody else come and say it, perhaps,

That young girl is going to start shifting and say, wait, these people see me like that. Maybe there is something in here that I should really look into.

Yes, I'm going to give this example. This is on making up. So, Claudia, with you and I, let's pretend like you and I live next door to each other. And there was a girl that lived right near us and she was always around you and I for whatever reason, we're working on projects and she just happens to go back and forth between you and I. There is no freaking way any human female on the planet would still feel bad about themselves if they're around the two of us.

because we would absolutely condition her into feeling better about herself and knowing who the hell she is. Am I right? Because we're intentional about it. That's who we are as people. You and I are, one of the reasons we get along so well is we're kindred spirits. We absolutely love helping to build people up, but especially women. Even though I get along with guys, it's always like me, but my focus, even when I was a child was always...

Fatima Bey (39:55.438)

And we both love to build up other women. We want to see other women soar, which is why you and I are not prone to jealousy. We're like the last people. Jealousy is too stupid for us. We just can't be bothered.

waste of time and energy.

Your, your brightness does not blot out mine. So what we love both of us. We love to see people shine. My point is saying all of that is that for the listeners out there who are like, person is too, too far gone. They're too bad. They're too backwards for me to, be able to help them at all. No, they're not. You can plant a seed because like I use the example of Chloe and I, she might plant the seed. I'll come along and water it.

And then the next day she'll water it again. And next day I'll give it some sunshine. And between the two of us, ain't no way that girl's walking out unchanged. Because we just wouldn't let it happen unless she's decided that she doesn't want to change because you can't help that. All of us can play a part on conditioning the people around us. You don't have to play the whole part. You don't have to be the whole recipe. You just need to be one ingredient.

Yes, 100 amen. We are all a piece of a masterpiece.

Fatima Bey (41:09.582)

That's another good quote. You don't have to be the whole recipe. You just have to be one ingredient.

My dad used to say stories to me all the time. And one time he said to me, do you like cake? And I said, I like cake. Sometimes my birthday cakes just for the heck of it, because I like it. And he says to me, okay, so if I give you a cup of flour, would you eat the cup of flour? And I said, no. If I give you five raw eggs, would you eat the five raw eggs?

raw eggs and I go no and he goes exactly because life is not one ingredient at the time to be able to want to have the cake you got to have all the ingredients so in that made it so clear to me that life wasn't always going to be a cup of sugar right I love that it was going to be a little bit of everything and together it's going to be a great life so anyway

I want to thank you so much for being here. I can talk to you for 10 hours. want to come and see you and go into your world and learn from you because you have so much to share. I look up to you and I learn from you all the time. I also want to encourage everyone to go and get my brighter days book already made best selling in the ebook and the paper book is available. One, the support. So I thank you.

Everyone.

Claudia Noriega-Bernstein (42:34.488)

for being in the show. I'm thrilled that I was in yours. I'm thrilled that you're gonna share this. And until we see again, my friend, because I enjoy so much talking to you.

I really appreciate you so much when you are on my podcast that you are a powerhouse woman and here's the thing I'll say this on your show because I didn't tell you someone else made the exact same the exact same comment about you on on that podcast episode that you are a powerhouse woman and you really are and I appreciate the fact that you gave me the opportunity to talk to your audience but I appreciate what you do for women on and off the air because you do a lot off the air and you build women in ways that I wish more people

And you found your purpose and you're living it out and ain't nobody stopping you and I freaking love it

God, I adore you. Thank you, my friend.