Don't Let Jerks Turn You Into One: Taking Back Your Power

Fatima Bey • April 3, 2025
Quote for a blog post by FatimaBey The MindShifter

Let's be honest - some people are jerks! You know exactly who I'm talking about. That person who makes your jaw clench, your fists ball up, and has you wanting to curse them out or fantasizing about doing things to them that are um.......illegal.


We've all been there.

"Someone else being a jerk doesn't mean you have to be. You're not responsible for their behavior. You are responsible for yours."

Your Emotional Garden Gets Trampled

Think of your emotions like a garden you work hard to maintain. You're out there every day, trying to grow patience when you want to scream, planting kindness when the world is harsh, and cultivating calm when everything feels chaotic.


Then some jerk comes stomping through, crushing everything under their feet.

Your gut reaction? Grab a handful of dirt and chuck it right at their smug face. Maybe add a rock or two for good measure. They ruined your day, so why not return the favor?

I get it. God, do I get it. The urge to go nuclear on someone who's pushing your buttons is so primal it feels like it's hardwired into your DNA.


Handing Over Your Remote Control

Here's what took me way too long to figure out: when I lose my cool because someone else is being an ass, I'm basically handing them the remote control to my behavior.


It goes something like this: They act like a jerk → I feel rage → I act like a jerk back → They've successfully programmed my actions.


In what universe does that make sense? Why would I give someone I don't even respect the power to determine how I behave? That's messed up when you really think about it.


Breaking the Stupid Cycle

Back to our garden. When someone tramples through your emotional space, you've got options that don't involve becoming a human wrecking ball yourself:

  1. Put up a fence (set boundaries that say "your toxic crap stops here")
  2. Fix what they damaged (process that anger instead of weaponizing it)
  3. Keep tending your own stuff (focus on what matters to you, not their drama)


Someone has to break the cycle of trash behavior. It might as well be you.


The Real Strength Move

There's this bizarre idea floating around that restraint equals weakness. Like if you don't match someone's nastiness, you're somehow letting them "win." That's complete garbage.


Any hothead can fly off the handle. Any toddler can throw a tantrum when provoked. The real power move? Choosing your response when every cell in your body is screaming for revenge.


It's the difference between hurling insults because you can't control yourself versus standing firm in who you are regardless of what's being thrown at you. One of these approaches actually requires backbone.


Setting the Example Nobody Asked For

When you refuse to stoop to someone else's level, you're showing everyone watching (including yourself) that there's another way to handle conflict.


I'm not talking about being some saintly doormat who smiles while taking abuse. Hell no. Standing your ground with dignity isn't passive - it's powerful.


It means saying what needs to be said without becoming what you despise. It means protecting your peace without sacrificing your principles.


How to Not Lose Your Crap When You Really Want To

Let's get practical. When someone's pushing all your buttons and you feel like smacking the crap out of them (emotionally or otherwise), try these instead:

  1. Buy yourself time: Literally say "I need a minute" and walk away if you can. Take a breath that goes all the way down to your toes.
  2. Call out the emotion to kick it out: "This rage isn't controlling me" - naming it strips it of power and puts you back in charge.
  3. Hit yourself with brutal honesty: "Will this reaction solve anything, or just create a bigger mess I'll have to clean up later?"
  4. Remember who you are: Are you someone whose behavior is dictated by others, or someone who decides for yourself?
  5. Focus on what you want to create, not what you want to destroy: Direct that energy toward a solution that actually improves your situation instead of just satisfying a temporary urge.


The Freedom That Comes With Ownership

Taking ownership of your reactions—even when someone deserves your wrath—isn't some burden. It's actually freedom in its purest form.


When you get that you control your responses (no matter how justified your anger might be), you stop feeling like a victim of difficult people. Their behavior might be trash, but it doesn't have the power to make you behave like trash too.

Your garden is yours. Some fool trampling through doesn't mean you have to set the whole thing on fire.


The choice of what grows there? That's always yours. And nobody—no matter how much of a jerk they are—gets to take that away from you.

Enjoyed this post?

Subscribe to get new posts delivered directly to your favorite RSS reader!

Subscribe Now


Subscribe to the MindShift Weekly newsletter.

By Fatima Bey March 22, 2025
The Toxic Waste Garden Have you ever tried to grow a beautiful garden next to a toxic waste dump? Of course not—because nothing thrives beside poison. Yet somehow, we expect our personal growth to flourish while surrounded by people who have no interest in their own development. Hmm.... I've come to a realization that I need to share with you: People who aren't trying to grow are actually toxic. The Price of Progress This might sound harsh at first, but let me explain what I mean. When we commit to personal growth, we embrace discomfort as the price of progress. We're willing to face difficult truths, challenge our assumptions, and stretch beyond our comfort zones. We recognize that temporary pain leads to lasting improvement. Meanwhile, those avoiding growth cling to comfort at all costs. They're like that one person at the gym who sits on equipment scrolling through their phone while you're actually trying to work up a sweat. They take up space without putting in effort. The Mountain Climb Companion When these two mindsets collide—and they always do—conflict is inevitable. It's like trying to climb a mountain while someone keeps yanking at your backpack, insisting you stay at base camp where it's "safer" and "more comfortable." Eventually, you have to decide: keep carrying their weight or cut the rope. This applies to everyone in your circle—yes, even family. Blood relationships don't come with a mandatory subscription to stagnation. That uncle who dismisses your ambitions at every holiday gathering? That cousin who makes fun of your healthy habits? They're not just annoying—they're actively hindering your progress. The Stagnant Pond Effect Think about what happens to water when it stops flowing. It becomes stagnant, develops a nasty smell, and eventually breeds disease. People who resist growth follow the same pattern. Without forward movement or purpose, they fixate on trivial things—who said what about whom, who's wearing what, who's doing better than them. They become breeding grounds for negativity, resentment, and drama. It's like they've installed a drama sprinkler system that activates whenever things get too peaceful or productive. And before you know it, you're drenched in their issues rather than focusing on your growth. The Relationship Inventory Now is the time to take inventory of your relationships. Who celebrates your growth? Who challenges you to be better? Keep them close. Who consistently drags you into their drama? Who makes you feel bad about your ambitions? It might be time to create some distance. This isn't about abandoning people—it's about recognizing that some relationships need boundaries to protect your growth journey. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is step back and demonstrate that there's another way to live. Breaking Free from the Expired Friendship Warranty Don't hold onto old friendships simply because they've been around for years. Time invested doesn't equal value received. That decade-old friendship isn't like a fine wine getting better with age if it's actually more like that container of mystery leftovers in the back of your fridge—forgotten, growing something fuzzy, and probably dangerous to eat by now. Remember: You can't train for a marathon while someone keeps tying your shoelaces together and calling it protection. Give yourself the space, companions, and environment you need to reach your full potential. And sometimes, that means recognizing when relationships have become toxic to your growth. Look around at your inner circle—are you surrounded by fellow climbers, or by people trying to sell you a really comfortable chair at the bottom of the mountain? Your future self is waiting at the summit, wondering what's taking you so long.
Inspirational quote by Fatima Bey against cosmic blue background:
By Fatima Bey March 11, 2025
Discover how to overcome the mental obstacles that limit your potential. Fatima Bey shares powerful insights on breaking free from self-imposed limitations and embracing your true capabilities.
Text image with the phrase 'Yes! I have morals. Yes! I have standards. No! I don't apologize for it.
By Fatima Bey March 8, 2025
Stop apologizing for your morals and boundaries. Learn why standing firm in your truth leads to self-respect and attracts the right people. Discover the freedom of saying 'no'.
Image of dripping chocolate with a poop emoji and the text 'Don't sugar coat 💩 And tell me it's cho
By Fatima Bey March 5, 2025
Ditch the polite lies. Learn why sugarcoating reality hinders growth and how radical honesty can transform your life. Discover the freedom of facing the truth.
Text image with the phrase 'Alone doesn't mean lonely but they do swim in the same pool' on a white
By Fatima Bey February 26, 2025
Explore the paradoxical relationship between solitude and isolation in "Alone Doesn't Mean Lonely But They Do Swim in the Same Pool." Discover how being alone can empower while loneliness can drain, and learn to navigate these interconnected states with intention and purpose.
Ant pushing large rock with 'Where There's a Will, There's a Way' text, blog post cover, metaphor for perseverance.
By Fatima Bey The MindShifter December 22, 2022
Discover how to find talent in unexpected places and overcome communication barriers. Learn the power of determination and creative problem-solving. Find out how attitude and willingness can trump language proficiency.
Image of a dirt-covered hand emerging from the ground with the text 'Buried Alive' and 'Fatima Bey
By Fatima Bey The MindShifter December 1, 2022
Are you feeling buried alive? Discover the root cause of this feeling and learn how to unbury yourself by finding your true purpose. Explore the path from existing to truly living.
Fightin' Words blog post cover image with text 'Fatima Bey The Mind Shifter Blog
By Fatima Bey The MindShifter November 23, 2022
Discover the power of positive self-talk and supportive friendships. Learn how to combat negative self-talk and build self-worth. Find out how your inner circle can help you thrive.
Pink paper note with the text 'Deal with the issue or the issue will deal with you!' Quote
By Fatima Bey The MindShifter November 16, 2022
Learn why avoiding problems only makes them worse. Discover how to confront your issues directly and find freedom. Understand the consequences of ignoring challenges and take control of your life.
Show More
Share by: