Deal With It

The Avoidance Trap

Sometimes there are things that we just hate. They are difficult or annoying. They make us uncomfortable, cause bad feelings or force us to confront deep issues. We just want to feel good and not have to deal with them. So, let's just avoid those bad feelings or uncomfortable situations. I mean, if we ignore them they'll go away. Right? If only life worked that way, but it doesn't.

When Small Wounds Become Life-Threatening

Let me explain how it does work. Let's say Megan scuffed her knee. The skin is scraped off a little and it hurts, but she doesn't want to wash it off or put any type of antiseptic on it because it hurts to touch it. She is also afraid that putting any antiseptic on it will sting. So, she just leaves it and moves on with her life. She figures it's just a scratch and it will heal itself. A couple of days later, it seems to hurt a bit more. Eventually this knee area is now red and inflamed. Although it now hurts more, she doesn't go to the doctor's because she knows that it's going to hurt when they have to touch it. Plus, there's a copay and a deductible she would have to pay and she doesn't need any more bills. It's pretty ugly by now but she just keeps it covered so that no one can see how bad it is. Since the body heals itself it will eventually go away, right? What do you think happens next? Her knee swells up so bad that she can now hardly walk and it looks disgusting. She finally goes to the doctor who informs her that if she had waited any longer this infection would have poisoned her blood, which is life threatening.

The Science of Ignoring Problems

In the medical world this scuff on her knee would be called an abrasion. Most mild abrasions will heal quickly, but some deeper abrasions may lead to infection or scarring. It's important to treat the wound right away to reduce the risk for infection or scarring. Megan could have simply cleaned up the wound right away and avoided all of the subsequent pain and potential threat to her life that followed. When she ignored her wound, she allowed an infection to get started. The more she ignored it, the more the bacteria were having a field day in her body, eventually spreading, and impairing her ability to use her leg normally. This all started with a small scuff that was never dealt with.

Common Sense That Isn't So Common

Now, most of us would not do what Megan did. We would simply clean off the wound right away and put a bandage on it so that it wouldn't get infected. Simple common sense, right? As common sense and simple as that concept is, we are often doing what Megan did in other areas of our lives.

Your Issues Don't Disappear – They Multiply

The issues in life you are not dealing with are like that infection in Megan's knee. You can ignore them, but they are not going away. In fact, the more you ignore your issues, the bigger they grow. Don't think for one second that they are not affecting you. They are! Every issue you are not dealing with is growing and infecting your life. Sometimes this happens in relationships. When I say relationships, I mean of any kind, not just the romantic ones. We ruin relationships because we won't have a conversation that we know may be uncomfortable. As uncomfortable as that initial conversation may be, it's far less uncomfortable than the infection it turns into later. The sooner you face it, the sooner it can be dealt with. That childhood issue that you have never really faced and dealt with is affecting you right now. It's affecting your mindset or way of thinking. Your way of thinking is affecting your behavior. Your behavior affects every area of your life. It may hurt to have that conversation or confront the uncomfortable, but it's worth it to avoid infection.

Face It and Find Freedom

I ask you this: What are you avoiding right now? Whatever just came to your mind, big or small, go deal with it. Start that conversation or whatever it is needed to initiate facing it. Only then can you start to heal the wound that's already there or prevent one from getting started. There's a freedom and sometimes peace that comes after you've dealt with it. The next time you find yourself hesitating about dealing with something you don't want to, I want you to remember Megan's wound that turned into something it didn't need to. Then recite out loud "Deal with the issue or the issue will deal with you".

Fatima Bey The MindShifter

International Speaker, Coach & Creator of the MindShift Universe